grammaticus:

It’s razor-sharp wit that wins fights:

Insult: You fight like a dairy farmer.
Reply: How appropriate. You fight like a cow. 

Insult: Only once have I met such a coward.
Reply: He must have taught you everything you know.

Insult: Every word you say to me is stupid.
Reply: I wanted to make sure you were confortable with me.  

Insult: My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island.
Reply: You got that job as Janitor after all?

Insult: My last fight ended with my hands covered in blood.
Reply: I trust now you’ve learnt to stop picking your nose.  

Insult: Have you a boat ready for a quick escape?
Reply: Why? Do you want to borrow one?

Insult: If your brother’s like you, it’s better to marry a pig!
Reply: You make me think somebody already did.

Insult: I’ve got the courage and skill of a master swordsman!
Reply: I’d be in real trouble if you ever used them.  

Insult: You are a pain in the backside, Sir.
Reply: Your haemmoroids are playing up again?  

Insult: There are no clever moves that can save you now.
Reply: Yes there are, you just never learnt them.  

Insult: No one will ever catch me fighting as badly as you do.
Reply: You run that fast?  

Insult: My wisest enemies run away at the mere sight of me.
Reply: Even before they’ve smelt your breath?

Insult: I usually see people like you passed out on the tavern floors. 
Reply: I’m glad to hear you attended your family reunion. 

(via nudityandnerdery)